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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372932">If Only...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerInAmsterdam/pseuds/SummerInAmsterdam'>SummerInAmsterdam</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>EtNuary [26]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Escape the Night (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Bretman's just a kid man, Gen, Guilt, Regret, Survivor Guilt, he just came for cute boys, so many mentions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:48:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>952</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerInAmsterdam/pseuds/SummerInAmsterdam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"He’d only met them that night, but he kept returning to their last moments in Purgatory, but he kept returning to their last moments..."</i>
</p><p>EtNuary Day 26: Bretman Rock</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>EtNuary [26]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1589350</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>If Only...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was all Bretman could do to keep himself from falling apart every single night. He tried to sleep, but he just kept thinking about the people he lost. It had become a habit for him lately. He’d only met them that night, but he kept returning to their last moments in Purgatory, trying to figure out what he could have done differently. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought about Justine, and how much she’d wanted to prove herself. If they hadn’t voted for her to go into the challenge, what would they have seen her do? He kept thinking about what Tana had told them about how she straight up charged the mummy, ready to fight for her life. He honestly wished he could have seen that. If they’d actually done for her what they were going to do in the first place... </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought about Tim, and… well… He didn’t really know what to think of Tim. Oli and Eva certainly didn’t seem to like what he and Colleen said about him, but Bretman wasn’t around when Tim first got involved in all this. He wished Tim might have been around longer. Maybe he could have had another chance to prove himself. Maybe he could have seen Tim doing everything Oli and Eva told them about. Maybe the two of them could have gotten to know each other. Maybe they could have worked together to get everyone out of there alive. If they’d just given him one more chance...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought about DeStorm, and how mixed his feelings over him were. Not too much like Tim, though. Sure, DeStorm was kind of an asshole, and a lot of people there sure didn’t seem to like him. Still, Bretman would be lying if he’d said he didn’t admire him at least a little. And after Alex told the group he’d basically sacrificed himself, what else was there to say? Maybe if they’d ignored the suggestion of a big final showdown between him and Alex...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought about Gabbie and Tana, and how he and the others had almost saved them. If they were just a bit faster, maybe they’d both still be here. Of course, he was beyond proud of Colleen for becoming the King and slaying the Black Knight. But in the process, they lost two friends. Two friends they could have saved. If they were just a few seconds faster, if they’d just gone outside a little earlier...</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He thought about Alex, and how much he just wanted to help. Even when he was going on about that little, “I’m so evil!” schpiel, he wasn’t a bad guy. He trudged through every challenge, no matter how badly he was doing at first. He was always willing to throw himself into trouble for others, whether or not they deserved it. He did his best to keep everyone’s hopes up and keep the moral of the group, no matter how bleak things were getting. And they repaid him by letting him fall into the fire. If Joey had actually done what he went there to do…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wait. Joey wasn’t the only one guilty of anything like that, was he?</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was usually when he'd think about Rosanna. Poor, sweet Rosanna who wanted nothing more than to believe in Bretman and Joey. God… what was he thinking? Her screams and pleas for help still echoed in his ears, bouncing back and forth in his head like tortuous sirens. He stopped counting the amount of times he’d almost burst into tears at the memory of her last moments. If he’d just set his ego aside for one second...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And most of all, he thought about Joey. There were too many things about him to unpack at once. Bretman thought they went to Purgatory to save everyone, so why did Joey have such a sudden change of heart? The first time everyone confronted him about it, all he had to say was, “things change.”  They might have been able to bring Colleen back, but there was something off about him after that. Maybe Bretman had been losing his mind or something, but he almost swore there was something different about Joey after they realized what would happen to them. He could see something in Joey’s eyes as he pushed Alex’s boat behind him. As he suggested they vote for Rosanna. As he ran off and left them after Bretman and Colleen had already gone through the portal...</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew there were some things in life that he just had to accept. There were things that he needed to let go of and move on from, but he just couldn’t let go of anything about that night.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>But Bretman had people here he had to think about, too. He had Colleen, who they’d actually managed to bring back, by the Grace of God. At least she was able to return to her life, even if it was drastically different. She was able to reunite with her loved ones, have her baby, and try to live as normally as she could after the nightmare she'd pulled herself out of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had Nikita, and as much as she hated to admit it, she needed someone to be strong for her. Ever since her time in Everlock, she hadn’t been the same. He promised himself he’d be there for her, no matter what. That was why he agreed to go to the museum in the first place - to save everyone and see her back to her old self. Well, that and cute boys, but still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d stay strong for them. His girls needed him to be strong. And that was the most important thing right now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was all that mattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right?</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Poor dude...</p></blockquote></div></div>
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